Your Confidence
Hello, and welcome back! This masterclass is going to be all about Your Confidence! This is a topic that’s at the core of how successful you’ll be, as well as how successful you’ll feel in life. It’s one of those topics that we can approach from many different angles, but today, I want to get to the nuts and bolts of this topic.
If I were to ask you a question right now: “What is confidence?” I’m sure that I’ll get many different responses, as people will describe how they feel and act when they are confident, and they will perhaps point out people they perceive as being confident. And I don’t know whether that really is confidence… because, as with many things, those are examples of things that illustrate confidence but aren’t necessarily.
At the core of it all, confidence is nothing more than a feeling. Like all the other feelings we get, whether it’s love or frustration, they are feelings that we experience. Then if I had to ask: “So, what is a feeling?” Then I would have to say that feeling is nothing more than a cocktail of different chemicals that we produce inside our bodies, right?
Ok, so if confidence is nothing more than a cocktail of chemicals that our brain produces and releases into our bloodstream, into our bodies… which means that anyone can have it at any time, why is confidence so important?
Well, at the most basic level, we can say that the feeling of confidence is directly related to the extent to which we are willing to play outside of our comfort zone.
This means that when we think about things we do, and everyday experiences that we routinely have, we have a certain level of familiarity with those experiences. We also have a certain level of confidence related to those actions. So, if I were to make it practical, I could say that many people have come to me, and said they are not confident. This statement always makes me very curious, because I question how a person knows they are not confident.
Because the only way in which you can understand what it feels like to be not confident, relates to your familiarity with the feeling of confidence. That sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But here’s what I mean when I say that.
When a person comes to me and says: “Hey Robert, I’m not confident. Can you please help me be more confident?” I go ahead and ask them whether they brushed their teeth this morning. Most people will look at me like I’ve lost my mind or something, and answer with something like: “Of course I did.”
If I ask whether they are confident that they did that this morning, they say yes. I then asked them if they were 100% confident, that they did brush their teeth this morning. They will then look at me with a sense of disbelief and say: “Yes, I am absolutely confident that I brushed my teeth this morning.”
We can go further down this rabbit hole and ask whether they were confident that they effectively did this. Of course, most people are going to say yes in fact; most people are so confident that they brush their teeth in an effective way, that they don’t even bother to think about the process of brushing their teeth when they do it.
This is where things get tricky, because it doesn’t seem that this person has any problem with being confident. They know exactly how and when to have that feeling switched on, and they can do it at a more than appropriate level.
When I point this out to them, they start saying no, I don’t have a problem with being confident, I have a problem with it only when it would serve me better to feel confident, but I am feeling fear instead. The problem, therefore, is not with feeling confident, the problem is a lot more about being able to generate the feeling of confidence, in situations that are not familiar.
This is the real challenge, because if you are only going to allow yourself to feel confident in activities and when things feel familiar, you’ll never allow yourself to venture outside your comfort zone. You will never grow, if you don’t venture outside of your comfort zone. If you don’t grow and expand, you will find yourself living the same life every day, week after week, month after month, and as we all know, if you don’t grow, you die.
When you think about our environment today, you will soon find yourself with a big problem, if you cannot grow and adapt to change. That is beside the fact that your life is going to be pretty boring, and I’m not going to judge any person who chooses to live their lives like that, as whenever it’s a matter of choice, I am fine with that. But because there are so many people that moan and complain about the routine, or box that they live in, we are addressing those.
Most people get up in the morning to the same alarm tone, they hit the snooze button the same amount of times, go to the bathroom and do the same routine, they eat the same breakfast at the same time every day, they sit in the same traffic with the same people every day as they go to work, they sit in the same cubical looking into the same computer monitor every day, they interact with the same people talking about the same issues every day, waiting for 5 pm, so that they can sit in the same traffic and go home, watch the programming on the TV screen until they go to bed at the same time, only to do it all again tomorrow.
Wow, that just reminds me of the life I used to live, and what an incredible feeling came over me just now… the amount of freedom that I have created for myself to do anything that I want, entirely differently if I felt like it, on the moment’s notice, wow… if I could even begin to describe just how much gratitude I have right now… just wow…
Nevermind that gratitude is also just a feeling, and having this level of awareness, in the moments while it’s happening, is what I wish for all of us… but that’s a story for another day :)
All right, back to the story of the routine lives…
You can only break outside that routine’s box if you have enough confidence to do something differently. Whether that’s to engage in a new activity, whether that’s to meet different and new people, whether that’s to learn new things that can improve and allow you to be a better version of who you are.
Because becoming better, it’s not about running away from who you are.
Becoming better is about becoming more of who you already are, but discovering yourself in deeper and more powerful ways.
It is about reclaiming the internal power you have given away at some point. The only way in which you can truly do that, so that you can truly grow into yourself, is by challenging who you are in this moment. If you can step outside the belief you have constructed about who you are, and what you’re capable of, you can grow into your own power and joy.
Therefore, it seems that when someone says they want to be more confident, it’s not as simple as what it may appear on the surface. At the same time, it’s also a very simple, purely emotional problem.
If we assume that we can feel any emotion we want, at any time, and know how to trigger that emotion, then it should be very easy to change our state, from a state that is not confident, to feeling the feelings of confidence.
If this is the case, why is it so difficult for many people to experience confidence, when they need it most?
If you are in an unfamiliar situation, and would like to be more successful in that particular situation, would it make more sense to create an internal state of confidence, or would it make more sense to do so in a state which reflects less confidence?
Ok, let me make this practical, to easier answer that question. Let’s say that you want to address a group of people, and the objective of the meeting is to convince them of a particular point of view. So, let’s say that you are a coach and can provide value to people, by teaching them how to be better with their emotions.
Regardless of the preparation you may have had beforehand, in this illustration, let’s pretend that you have a conscious choice, and a button, on each one of your shoulders. When you press the button on your left shoulder, that activates an emotion of fear and uncertainty. Then on the right shoulder, you have a button that, when you press it, will cause you to immediately and instantaneously go into a confident and relaxed state.
Just imagine having the choice and these two buttons installed on your shoulders.
Ok, now, when you stand up to speak in front of a group of people, regardless of the amount of preparation, as well as the quality of the information that you will share, which button would cause you to be more successful at engaging with the group, and positioning your coaching as a possible solution for a challenge that a person in the audience may have?
If I ask the question like that to most people, the response to pressing the left button, which is the one that causes you to be fearful and anxious, is something that hardly anybody would do. Because from a rational point of view, you would want to press the right button, and appear confident, because being fearful and anxious would actually serve nobody in that scenario. Well, nobody, other than some outdated, debilitating beliefs about yourself that would prove themselves right.
In reality, the audience wouldn’t benefit from you being anxious and nervous, and your intention for being there, in front of them, would not be served and honored.
Then, why do we do this, if that is the case? There are two fundamental answers to this question. The first answer is that, as human beings, we are social creatures. This means we can only survive in groups, unlike a solitary creature such as a panther or a snake. Everything that we’ve created in the world depends on our ability to collaborate with one another. You can just look at our whole economic system on Earth today.
Something happens on the opposite side of the planet to where you find yourself, yet it impacts everyone else. There is a war between two countries that might have absolutely nothing to do with you, and they are fighting over something that falls outside your sphere of interests, or investments, or even the interests of the country that you live in. Yet, it might have an impact on the price that you pay for a loaf of bread.
Therefore, as much as we are separate human beings as a species, we are also a cohesive organism. Just like the organs of your body, as much as they are made up of their cells, and each one has its own function. When something is not functioning properly in the liver, it affects everything, or something isn’t functioning properly in the brain, it impacts every other organ in the body.
Therefore, as humans, in our social habitats, we are innately very sensitive to rejection and having a place of belonging. However, much of our sensitivity stems from ingrained wiring long ago, when we were much more primitive. Back in time, being rejected, or offending a person in power, could easily cost you your life.
In a sense, this is something that we can’t really do much about, because the past is the past, and we can only evolve from what happened in the past, which brings us to the second reason why we do this.
This is a much more practical reason, in that the operating system of your mind can change any learned behaviour, whether that learning happened yesterday or whether that learning happened ten lifetimes ago.
Therefore, it’s possible to override that wiring in a sense. Because in the operating system of your mind, there is a phenomenon called The Book Of Rules. If I were to explain your book of rules in a very simple way, then I would say that the book of rules is a switching system, that gives you permission to feel any particular feeling.
Therefore if I were to ask you to feel the emotion of confidence, what needs to be present? Most people would say they first need to feel congruent with their actions, if they were to deliver a speech to people. It would be best if you believed that what you were saying was the truth for you. The experience that you practice what you teach in your own life. You might also need to know that they are other people with the same, or similar experiences as you have had in the past.
When you have ticked these boxes, in most cases, you would feel confident in front of the mirror, or maybe in front of people who already share your convictions.
Your book of rules would say that you are allowed to feel the feeling of confidence, when all of those conditions are present. However, it’s usually not that simple, because the book of rules would also state that you can only switch on the confidence circuits in the absence of something else.
So as much as you have all those conditions met, and you have no reason to feel anxious or nervous, the absence of something as simple as clothing, will disconnect the circuit.
In other words, regardless of how confident you are about the information and content that you are delivering to other people, if you did so and had no clothing to wear, it would perhaps nullify all the feelings of confidence that you ever thought that you would have, even though wearing clothing might have absolutely nothing to do with the subject that you are discussing.
In fact, you could even be discussing nudity, in which case not wearing clothing would be a benefit to your point!
I know that sounds slightly ridiculous, but it proves the point, does it not? It could be something as simple, as you can only feel confident in the presence of people you know, or don’t know. The challenge with this book of rules for most people is that it takes multiple rules to activate the circuit naturally, and it can take only one rule to be broken, and your confidence is gone. This is, of course, unless you know that you have a book of rules. The truth is that most people do not understand how their brain works, and most people cannot access their programming.
Therefore you could have some pretty silly rules in your programming, like losing confidence when one is successful, or leading in confidence when a member of the opposite sex smiles at me.
Then there are the deeper, more spiritual reasons why we don’t feel confident. At the core, it’s a conversation that we have with our higher self. I think that Marianne Williamson said it best:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.
So in this sense, there’s another reason why we often lack confidence:
the fear of being ourselves.
Yes, you heard me right.
I think the fear of being yourself, is one of the people’s biggest fears.
Because we look at other people and we compare ourselves to others, and then make a judgment on ourselves, based on the performance of another person. The truth of the matter here, is that there will almost always be somebody that performs better than you, there will almost always be someone that makes more money than you do, and there will almost always be somebody that looks more like the pictures in fashion magazines than you do.
The other side of that coin is that there also would always be somebody that does not perform as well as you do, there will always be somebody that earns less money than you do, and there will always be somebody that may be perceived as less attractive than you are.
And that’s perfectly ok, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, if you start believing that you are less than… because of a life path another person might have, that becomes problematic. Because at that point, you start wanting to be somebody different to who you actually are, and your higher self will respond to that.
Your higher self will suggest that you are not just the body you inhabit for your journey on Earth. When you start to believe that you are your body, you will start to experience pain. You will begin to experience pain, because you are rejecting yourself, the broader part of you, which is a painful experience. Because, if you were to look at your toe and start believing that you are your toe, and that you are limited to what your toe can do and experience, you will have a life that is limited to the extent that your toe is limited. And that would be a very painful existence.
However, if your toe had to expand its consciousness to the extent where it stops believing that it’s just that… oh, but it had to believe that it’s an entire person, can you imagine how powerful your toe would feel?
So, at this moment, I’d like to invite you to just pretend with me, pretend that you are here for a reason, and pretend that reason that you are here on this planet, right now is with purpose. I invite you to pretend that every capacity and perceived limitation you have about yourself, is purposefully so.
I invite you to pretend that whatever your purpose is, you’ve been created in a perfect way to fulfil that purpose. I’m inviting you to pretend that you have a body, but you are not that body alone, and I invite you to pretend that out of all bodies that you could choose to have, you chose the one you do have.
I invite you to pretend that of all the lives you could have, you chose to have the one you do have right now, and that you chose that with purpose.
What would happen in your life if you were to pretend that? What would happen to your perception of your limitations, if you stopped seeing them as defects, and were to perceive them as allies in your unique experience of this life? What would happen if you had to stop believing that this lifetime is the only life you live, and that you’ve lived many lives before, and will live many lives in the future, experiencing every experience you can imagine?
Now, as you continue to pretend, I invite you to think of the things that you so often believe are holding you back from what you want to achieve in life. Whether that’s that your nose is too big or too small, whether that’s because you are too old or too young, whether that’s because you have the wrong complexion, whether that’s because you were born in a certain place, whether you have specific hair colour, whether you have a specific build, or sometimes it’s about something that happened yesterday, last week or a long time ago.
How important are those ideas when you start to think of yourself differently? If you are here on your own connected personal purpose that you and only you have come to accomplish, how important can it be to be like somebody else, or to fit in?
It would be as ridiculous as to meet somebody at the airport, and as you’re having a conversation, to notice that you are travelling to London, while they are travelling to New York. When you are clear on your purpose in London, you will not start feeling insecure because somebody else is travelling to a different destination than you are, right?
Yet, when it comes to confidence, we often look at another person, on an entirely different journey in their life. Because we are not going where they are going, but going where we are supposed to go, we look at them and say, if I’m not going where they are going, then it must be because I’m defective in some way, or because I’m less in some way.
No, you are going where you are supposed to go, and the more you try to go as somebody else, it’s going to cause you pain, disturbance, and it will take you longer to complete your own journey.
Therefore, when we talk about confidence from a spiritual perspective, that relates to our ability to become more congruent within ourselves. When we notice something that triggers us, as in another person, then we become triggered because we recognise a part of ourselves in that person.
Your job is not to continue mourning the loss of that part of you, but to recognise it. Because the extent to which you can recognise it in another person, is the extent to which that quality is alive in you.
Therefore, whenever you compare yourself to somebody else, recognise that as a trigger of awareness, that whatever you are seeing or projecting onto that person is a fragment of yourself, and that you are ready to see that aspect in yourself. So when you see wealth and happiness in another person, recognise it in yourself. When you see beauty, recognise it in yourself. When you see courage, recognise it in yourself, because you cannot see or perceive anything that is not a part of you.
Ok, now that we have learned a few different aspects that contribute to our ability to experience the feeling that we call confidence, it should influence your ability to take action when it’s critical for you, to grow and expand. We have also learned that the lack of the feeling of confidence can stop us from taking action at these times, and cause us to delay experiencing bliss and purpose in our own lives.
I am sure that much of what I’ve said isn’t new to you, and that you have experienced or heard at least some version of the points I’ve highlighted. And yet, knowing about these things, doesn’t automatically result in feelings of confidence when it’s critical, does it?
So what are the things that you can do to initiate the state of confidence, at the times when it matters most? The challenge we face is that these responses and these states are wired into our unconscious mind, and the minute we lose conscious focus, the unconscious mind takes over.
However, there are a few ways in which we can take back control. In the absence of me, delivering a full Personal Breakthrough Session, using the RS Method as a full-on intervention and hardwiring confidence in your mind, we are still left with a few things that you can do on your own.
Also, at the end of this masterclass, we’ll do a breathwork guided meditation that helps you unconsciously do this. But in the meantime, let’s explore some things you can do by yourself, on the fly, and consciously.
The first group of actions that we can take has to do with physiology, because as much as your conditioning influences your thoughts, your physiology also affects them. Because, as you know, you feel feelings in your body, and your body is a rather mechanical device that works on material principles.
So, just like with a machine, what do you have to do, if you want to have a machine do something? Well, you have to press the button, and if you press the correct button, then you’ll have the correct action. We know that your body is a machine, and to be clear, I’m not saying that you are a machine, but I’m saying that your body is a machine.
This means that for your body to create any state or feeling, that there must be a proverbial button to press, to create that feeling. Your body, of course, doesn’t have specific buttons as you would have on the machine. How your body works, is that you can create any feeling or emotion, through a combination of posture, breath and eye position. Or in other words, for your body to experience the feeling of fear, it has to be in a certain position, you have to breathe in a certain way, and you must look in a certain direction.
The minute you upset the combination of those different aspects of physiology, your body can no longer generate the chemicals it takes to produce the feeling of fear.
Today, we will look at what needs to be in place to generate confidence. This means that if you take nothing else from today’s masterclass, you would be able to produce the feeling of confidence, at will, almost any time and place you need to.
How amazing would that be if you find yourself in a position where you want to take action, and you have those old feelings of doubt and fear coming up, and in an instant, you can change into confidence and take positive, productive, useful action?
How much do you think your physiology impacts your state?
Well, in case you were unaware, you are going to see that it makes a massive difference. As I said earlier, some very intense feelings can even become impossible to produce, if you don’t have the right, matching physiology. The other great thing about changing your physiology is that there is no method or something you can do, that changes your state quicker than changing your physiology.
In psychology, we learned that you could change your state by changing your thinking, and while it’s important to do that, changing your thinking is something that takes much longer, and it’s much harder to do, especially when negative juice is already present, versus changing your physiology, because by changing your physiology, you can go from a negative state into a positive state, from fearful to confident, in mere seconds.
Ok, come on, let’s play a little bit, I can’t really see you right now, but I’m going to suggest that you decide to play with me right now, so that you can really get the value from this exercise.
Let me give you some things you can do, to get that confidence quite quickly. These are things that you can physically and practically do, actual steps that you can take. None of these movements are strange or weird, so you can do them almost anywhere, without somebody else noticing what you are doing.
So the first thing I’m going to ask you to do, right where you’re right now, is to feel the feelings, to generate the feelings of being anxious, nervous, and uncertain. I’m asking you to do the opposite of being confident, right?
First, where would you look when you’re feeling nervous and anxious? Would you look up, or would you look down? Most people will look down. In fact, I have not yet met anybody that doesn’t look down when they do that. This seems universal through all races, countries and creeds.
Whenever somebody is feeling nervous, they’re always looking down. And then, when you feel uncertain, where would your focus be? Would it be focused in one particular direction, or would it look all over the place?
When you’re nervous, your focus will probably shift between various points. It will be from left to right, looking up and down, there will be no specific focus point. Just notice what you are doing, so if you feel that feeling of uncertainty or nervousness, and you can exaggerate it a little bit, what happens to your focus? Is it more a tendency toward focusing on a particular point, or are you looking around all the time?
All right, next, what happens with your hands when you’re anxious? Are they in a comfortable position, or are you worrying about what to do with them? I really want you to go through that feeling of anxiousness and check what is happening with your hands. And if you’re doing this really well, are your palms sweaty or dry? Are you wringing your hands and playing with your fingers? Is there nervous tension in your hands?
I’m hopefully helping you build that feeling of uncertainty and anxiety in your body right now… Ok, so I’m sure that you noticed that your body goes into a certain posture and has to do those things for you to feel nervous and uncertain. This is so universal that I can put just about anybody in front of you, and by just watching their behaviour and movement, you could tell me whether that person is nervous or not. The person is pacing around, looking around, wringing their hands, and focusing on the floor. If you see someone doing those things, you immediately know they are nervous and uncertain, don’t you?
The importance of this, is the extent to which we are not confident, nervous, and anxious, which affects how others perceive us and how we perceive ourselves. On that level, your nonverbal behaviour determines how you perceive yourself and others, which means that your nonverbal behaviour shapes who you are. That is huge, because it means that who and what you manifest in the world, is determined by your nonverbal behaviour.
Now if you are still in that state of not being confident, and notice where’s your breathing? Are you breathing in your upper chest, or your diaphragm? Is your breathing shallow, or is it deep?
I can tell you that if you’re indeed feeling anxious right now, your breathing is in your upper chest, and it has to be shallow.
How do I know that? How do you know that? Because it’s something that’s true for all of us, every human being on the planet, while feeling anxious, has to breathe shallow, with a focus at the top end of the chest. Otherwise, you can’t feel anxious or nervous.
Now stay in that state still, and tell me, as far as your posture is concerned, is your chest open, or are your shoulders pulled forward? I’d like you to stay with it and immerse yourself into that feeling of uncertainty and nervousness, make it even more amplified and exaggerated if you can, so that you’re really feeling it.
Now while feeling like that, I want you to think of something specific that you want to take on. A project, a dream, a desired outcome you wish to create and experience… but stay in that unresourceful state please… You could even think of things you’re normally confident about, but thinking about it while you are in that state… what’s happening?
Are you going to give it your best? Oh, man, will you crush it when you’re in that state? No, I don’t think so! You won’t be able to bring a lot of energy into it, and if you don’t put your energy into something, then you’re not going to perform the behaviours that will cause you to be successful.
When you’re not successful, then what do people tell themselves? It’s too hard, I can’t do it, I’m not good enough, or many other things people would say to themselves about a particular outcome.
Let’s say that a person decides they want to play tennis. They go onto the court feeling anxious and nervous, scared of making mistakes. What happens? They’re more focused on fear and anxiety, so they don’t go for the shots. They don’t try very hard, and what will that give them? They’re going to miss the shots, and the next time they have to go for that shot, they are already telling themselves it’s not going to happen, before they even go for it, so they put less energy, less effort and less focus on achieving their outcome, and now they tell themselves that they can’t.
Then they get an even poorer result than the last time, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and they walk off the court believing they can’t.
And now, you just have to mention the word tennis to this poor person, and he already gets nervous. Can we say that this person is a good or bad tennis player? We can’t, because he’s really not even trying. If you don’t get to the point of getting that confidence going, then you’re not putting your energy into succeeding. You’re putting your effort and energy into not succeeding, and that’s how you will not achieve success. That means that, if you approach anything with physiology like this, your chances of succeeding are very poor.
The challenge, therefore, is that many people don’t enjoy the sensation, or feeling of being anxious and nervous. However, that’s a very small part of the problem.
The bigger challenge is that in almost every case, if you approach something with the idea that you are going to fail, or with a feeling of anxiety and nervousness, the likelihood becomes very strong that you will prove yourself right and fail. Of course, in my world, failure doesn’t exist. When I say fail in this context, I mean that you are not going to achieve the outcome you’re looking for, but you will achieve something different.
Ok, let’s get you out of this crappy state. I’m sure you’ve had more than enough of it by now.
So now, I’m going to share with you three really simple habits that you can do anytime, anywhere, that would change your state instantly.
If you turn these into habits, you’ll start installing the habit of confidence in your physiology in your body, and you’ll never have to worry about getting stuck in that state of nervousness, or anxiety, ever again.
But, like with everything, you’ve got to do it. You’ve got to practice these three simple habits, for them to make a difference in your life. This is why I’m going to suggest you create reminders for yourself, and I’m going to suggest you do it just for this month.
If it works, you can continue with it after this, but I’m asking that you give it a shot for one month, and see what the difference is in your life. Take note of the changes and the opportunities, then start pitching up in your life even more fully, even more secure in yourself and your abilities.
- Habit number one, smile… Yes, I said they’re going to be simple and easy, so don’t be fooled by this simplicity. Instead, take note of where you are right now, from a state perspective. What’s your state at this point?
And then, right now, come on, join me and smile, ok, and I don’t care how fake it may feel or seem in the moment, but stretch those lips out and make a nice big smile right now. All right, give it a moment, and as time goes by, it’s even easier, and it seems more natural already, doesn’t it now? Come on, you can do a little bit better than that smile, instead of just with your lips, you can even start smiling with your eyes, can you not?
Yes, that’s a big smile, and as you are smiling, notice what’s happening to your state. Is your state changing? Are you finding it more difficult to maintain that anxious, nervous state? And if you’re not doing it, smile some more. It doesn’t matter who’s watching right now. Make the biggest silliest smile you can make, and see what’s happening with your state.
All right, so smiling doesn’t only make you feel better, but it immediately has another benefit. Smiling also immediately makes you more attractive to other people.
This means that when you smile authentically, this time not a silly smile, but a genuine one, other people will immediately like you more, did you know that?
If that’s not enough for you, what if I told you that smiling… would also immediately relieve your stress, improve your blood pressure, help you to maintain a more positive attitude, and cause you to be even more successful than you already are?
You get all of that, and all you have to do is smile. Now that sounds like a bargain to me, wouldn’t you agree?
Ok, let’s do a little experiment. What we’re going to do is just to test how powerful your smile is, so I’m going to invite you to continue smiling, yes, keep the smile on your face throughout, and make it a nice big smile right now.
Just do this with me, and try… to be nervous, as you’re making that big smile. Heck, you can even try to be depressed! Go for it, give it your best shot, while keeping that smile on your face and remaining in that upright posture.
You can’t, can you? Ok, so what’s happening there?
You’ll notice that just about every person that’s authentically confident is always smiling, and the challenge for so many people is that the majority of people these days, don’t even know how to smile properly. So I’m going to invite you to include that as one of your big changes.
So you can see what immediately happens when you smile some more. Your body starts sending your brain a message to be happy, and it’s almost impossible to hold a negative emotion when you’re smiling!
I invite you to start thinking about smiling differently, not just how many times a day you’re smiling, but for three or four hours a day, because then you’ll start noticing big differences in your life. Let’s make some positive effort and make this day and this week and then this whole month, a good time to have some fun and be all jolly and laugh as often and as genuinely as possible. Like with any new thing we want to do, it starts a bit rough, and it doesn’t necessarily look familiar, but we get used to it and we get so much better at it.
Especially with something like this becuase, this is not a new behaviour that you are learning here! Your body must already be very familiar with this, because chances are that… when you were a kid, long before you learned so many things about yourself… your environment, and what’s ok and what’s not ok to do, chances are… that back then… life was way more happier and joyful for you, so what we want to do here, is to help you… remember… and perhaps even help you wake up, or get in touch again, with that little kid that’s still somewhere inside of you now, ok?
2. All right now, the next component we’re going to look at, is your actual body posture and breath, because your posture will determine how you breathe and feel in your body, whether you feel strong or weak.
And in short, the more upright your posture is, the more confident you will feel.
The more slouched forward you are, the less confident you will feel and appear, which is why when you look at soldiers in the military, people who are brave and have to go into combat, one of the biggest things you’ll notice about them is their posture.
Your posture is always upright and straight, and confident. Suppose you had to think of one group of people that has to be more confident than any other group.
In that case, the selection would probably go to a soldier, because a soldier has to go into combat with the possibility of death on their mind.
That’s certainly a lot more confidence than what you would ever need to have, to make that sales call, or lift up your hand and ask someone for help.
Ok, so do this with me now, wherever you are right now, in whatever position you are sitting or standing.
Notice your breathing, and make a conscious effort, to extend your inhale and exhale. Make sure you are breathing in slowly and at an even pace, and let your exhale also be longer and slow-paced.
Breathe with your full lungs, all the way down with your tummy, right? And then, also notice where your chest is, whether you are upright or slightly slouching, and this is a very fine movement. We are talking about a few centimetres or millimetres.
I’d like you to imagine that there is a string attached to the top of your head and now just imagine that string, as it pulls tighter and upwards, so that it pulls your back up straight.
You just start noticing… how you start feeling ok… so relax, notice where your emotional focus is, and then pull that string up a little bit more, so that your body becomes entirely straight.
That’s right, now that’s what that feels like.
Notice how your focus and attention change, and then add a smile to it as well.
Then make a note in your unconscious mind, of where that position is, and how that feels, so that whenever you leave that position, you can quickly notice that string pulling you back up, straight, and smiling.
Now, I want you to get into that place and feel the benefits, the emotional rewards when you do so. Do it now, and when you notice the shift in your state, say to yourself: “Confidence.”
Own it for a moment, and then allow your body to go back down to the previous posture. Then repeat that, five or six times. And each time you do it, please remember, while at the top of that feeling and in that posture, to say to yourself the word: “Confidence.”
Then let it go, pull the string up, confidence… let it go, back up and confidence. Feel it, notice it, and at the top say: “Confidence.” Then let it go, and then back to confidence.
You do this five or six times in one go… and do it as often as you can make yourself do it in a day. If you were to actually do it, you’ll find this process beyond rewarding and quite magical.
Because what it does, you are consciously manipulating your unconscious, through your physiology, for your brain to create some feelings of confidence, the good juice. And then at the same time, your conscious is being trained, and lerning a lesson of the importance of your physiology in any given moment, plus the fact that – you are in charge.
3. All right now, the third and the last hack I’d like to give you today, is called power posing.
Now to do this, you need to think of a superhero, who is the most powerful superhero in the universe. Well, if you think about confidence, Superman is probably right up there, and for the ladies, there’s probably nobody that comes across more confidently than the Wonder Woman, right?
Now, when you assume these positions, all sorts of wonderful things happen in your body, that next to instantly cause you to feel more confident and powerful.
All that you have to do, is to stand like a superhero, and if you don’t know how that looks like, here’s an idea…
A superhero power pose looks like this:
Come on, do this with me right now, you promised to play all in, haven’t you?
Let’s see what a power pose does for you. We’ve already done some work on your state, but score yourself between one and ten, in how confident you feel right now. Ten being super confident, and zero… well, not having any, right?
Once you have that score, I want you to get up, if you haven’t already done so, and assume this posture, as indicated on my slide. Stand upright, put your arms on your sides, legs slightly apart. Your hands on your sides can either be in fists or with your fingers facing forward. Then stand like this for about 10 to 15 seconds, to notice what that feels like.
Then while you’re doing this, make sure you’re standing upright and that your chest is open, chin up, and then put a gentle smile on your face. Now, give it another 30 seconds or so, and then just notice what you feel like… whether you feel confident and focused… I’ll give you some time… because… all it really takes… is… just a few moments… standing like that… for the feelings of confidence to kick in… Now, when you think about that presentation that you have to do, or that deal that you’re going to close, or making contact with that person that made you feel a little bit intimidated before, how does that change now? What’s different now, observing the idea while in this state?
I remember when a client of mine, who had a challenge approaching girls with confidence, or at all back then… how in the middle of our session, while he was in a rather suggestible, very hypnotic state, I mean, unlike you right now, as for such deep trance to occur, you’d have to be in at least a highly focused state like that, how what came out of me sounded something like:
“And a wise old man said to him… my son, I want you to remember… remember to… rise up, and stand tall, with both of your feet on the ground… with your spine erected… with your shoulders back, your chin up… looking straight ahead of you… and with your chest out… and yet, with an open heart… remember that… if you were to stand like God… breathe like God… face the world as its creator that you are… if you were to walk like God… woman would throw themselves at you…”
Or something along those lines, I don’t… remember the details…
So notice that, and remember… that just by consciously taking over, and taking a moment in time to affect your own neurology, with the programs that already exist inside of your mind, is very, very effective, and it creates a rather instant change, or an instant difference in terms of how you feel, or the level of resourcefulness that you do have in that moment.
As you already know, there are many tools and techniques that we have, that effectively deal with deeper issues that some people have, where, mainly using the RS Method approach, we change the actual beliefs and misconceptions that client has, and we wire their minds for a naturally occurring and effortless confidence. While this can all happen in one visit to an RS Method coach, it’s not possible to deliver such a session in this format, so we are left with the hacks and understanding that I offered in this masterclass edition, followed by a deeply useful, guided meditation session.
These three habits, together with that meditation session are great hacks for you to start incorporating into your everyday life, and into your own body language, so that they become a part of you, and confidence stops being something that you have to consciously demand from your body, but something that is its natural state of being.
All right, for the next segment, I invite you to a meditation session, which combines a very unique breathwork pattern, and changing things at a deeper level, helping your natural energy and charisma, to start flowing at those deeper and more subtle levels of your being.
I trust you… will… join me… when… you are ready… for real… change now.
Sending you all my love, and gratitude, as I am, now.
With all my heart,
Robert Simic
“May You Find What You Seek Outside, Inside Of You.”
